I try to stray away from these types of journals entries, but I must have some need for pity. Actually, not pity or complaining. It's...something different. Connection. That makes sense...

Time is flying by too quickly. I'm assistant directing a main stage show and designing the lights for it. Life is good. I realized recently that emotions and feelings from the past finally caught up with me. So many things I want to say...and yet...

I am not sad, nor am I filled with regret. I came against my demons and the truth is that I created them. A lie that became truth, then gnarled itself until I truly was a broken shell. I am, however, done pretending. There was no great tragedy that made my pain. My life was mediocre other than how deeply I felt everything. I hurt deeply, I was filled with rage not anger, I was fearful, I was elated, and I loved with every fiber of my being. It was my most powerful trait, and my biggest weakness at the exact same time. Still is, really.

I thought I had killed all of that inside me, but it's still alive and kicking. That's...amazing to know.

However, I miss so much. Very deeply, very truly...and really, I think that can be interpreted easily. Of course, the world I'm in now...I need it and want it. I live it moment to moment. However, there are times like tonight when I have trouble sleeping, and my mind dwindles that I think back on so very much.